tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54763672011-04-21T18:15:24.703-05:00radtkeblogChris Radtke tells all.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comBlogger881100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1125352697267949992005-08-25T16:48:00.000-05:002005-08-29T16:58:17.273-05:00My grandma died yesterday. Today I mourn by eating cake and playing Heroclix.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1123171085232287932005-08-04T10:57:00.000-05:002005-08-04T10:58:37.590-05:00The NYPD are searching bags on the subways now. The cops didn't find a bomb on me, but they seemed amused by the selection of nerdass shit I was lugging around this morning:My PSP (with Lumines loaded - Hi-Score: 437,500)My clip-on shades for my perscription glassesFive Trade Paperbacks (Supreme Power Vol. 1 and 2, Space Ghost, Powers Vol. 3, Animal Man Vol. 1, Gaimen's 1602)A red cloth bag with Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1107364618702809042005-02-02T13:12:00.000-05:002005-02-03T14:56:12.036-05:00I'm a hairy guy; my facial hair grows very fast and very wide. If I let the shit on my face flourish, it grows all the way up to my cheekbones. I've decided to grow just the facial hair on the top of my cheekbones, right below my eyes. It'll be like my eyes will have two sets of eyebrows, one above and one below. I will call this growth my weard...like a beard, but different.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1103151535683673842004-12-15T17:53:00.000-05:002004-12-15T17:58:55.683-05:00I saw my new favorite band last night, SOLIVAR! They opened with "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem" and closed the show with the epic "Hidden City". I bought a t-shirt, but it's too tight.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1102978430882598802004-12-13T17:44:00.000-05:002004-12-13T17:53:50.883-05:00I just got back from a business trip in Canada and had a shitty flight home. Sitting in the seat next to mine was an obese man. Jeez, he was at least 400lbs. The fat fuck had to have the armrests removed from his chair, which allowed his blubber to spill into my seat. i thought it couldn't get any worse, but I was wrong. Fatjack barfed as soon as the plane hit some turbulence. He must have Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1102977836600118412004-12-09T17:43:00.000-05:002004-12-13T17:43:56.600-05:00Happy Birthday Teri Hatcher! To celebrate, we went out for sushi and had awesome sex.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1102977548352638172004-12-02T17:38:00.000-05:002004-12-13T17:39:16.846-05:00I totally forgot about this shit. No, really.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1095953650080008822004-09-23T10:31:00.000-05:002004-09-23T10:34:10.080-05:00I got Simon for my birthday. You know, the old electronic game which lights up and makes noises as you press the big colored buttons in the right sequence. It was awesome playing Simon on the subway this morning going to work.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1093441296042389162004-08-25T08:37:00.000-05:002004-08-25T08:41:36.043-05:00My apartment has a tiny little backyard and my landlord said if I wanted to plant a garden I could. I decided to plant a tomato bush. Other than that I have 11 cool-ass gargoyles standing watch over the tomatoes.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1092763552163801322004-08-17T12:24:00.000-05:002004-08-17T12:25:52.163-05:00Next week the Republican National Convention hits New York City. I'm sure my commute to work will suck even more thanit already does, but my big fear isn't terrorists. It's the fucking elephants. They smell awful and have huge shits.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1092145887358233792004-08-10T08:45:00.000-05:002004-08-10T08:51:27.356-05:00I got on the subway this morning and saw a whole row of empty seats. I was suspicious and sat across from them because this yuppie lady and her friends were pointing and squeeling at the empty row. I asked "What's the problem" and the lady pointed out a HUGE waterbug, I mean it was at least four inches long and it was craling up the subway car wall near the seats. Nobody was doing anything, soRadtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1092085972718187842004-08-09T16:10:00.000-05:002004-08-09T16:12:52.720-05:00My girlfriend and I went on a road trip this weekend. After stopping for the fifith time at a highway Road Stop, my girlfriend noted that Road Stops give her the same kind of creeps that Comic Conventions do. I think it was the kid dressed in The Crow make-up and the fat guy in the Kyle Raynor Green Lantern costume.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1092146003445300372004-08-02T10:52:00.000-05:002004-08-10T08:53:23.446-05:00Everybody has a goddamned iPod but me. Sucks.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1090946210052044292004-07-27T11:34:00.000-05:002004-07-28T13:11:11.000-05:00This weekend was the big Parents Summit. My parents and my girlfriend's parents met for the first time. There was a swimsuit competition, a Lazer Tag tournament, chicken-fights and a Bobby Brady type ice cream eating contest here you couldn't use your hands.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1090267672322798202004-07-19T14:26:00.000-05:002004-07-19T15:07:52.323-05:00My friend's wife bought three piñatas for my buddy's birthday party this weekend. She bought them online at a discount. One of the piñatas, of Jesus, had candy in it. The second piñata was of a Meatball Hero and it was filled with trial sized toiletries like toothpaste and antacids. The third piñata was of a cockroach (maybe a beetle). I busted it open with a mighty TWACK! to find that it Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1089832117412503132004-07-14T14:01:00.000-05:002004-07-14T14:08:37.413-05:00My friend Luke is a fat fuck. He always comes over and eats all my food. The other night he stopped by to watch Jeopardy and asked for something to eat. I told him I was about to make smoothies and he can have some if he'd like. I used mayonnaise instead of vanilla yogurt in his and he quaffed it down in like two gulps. The fat fuck even asked for more!Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1089645511117228032004-07-12T10:06:00.000-05:002004-07-12T10:18:31.116-05:00I haven't been able to type for about a month now. I was moving the family safe from its former secret hiding place behind the portrait of my Prussian ancestor, Otto von Radtke, to the new hiding place. The safe fell forward and landed on my right hand. I haven't been able to type or practice my basketball finger twirling.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-108739642613001742004-06-16T09:31:00.000-05:002004-06-16T09:33:46.130-05:00My girlfriend and I got engaged this past weekend. I proposed to her after we saw GARFIELD: THE MOVIE. She's a big Garfield fan and collects Garfield merchandise and memorabilia. She wants to have a Garfield wedding. That may clash with my Star Wars themed wedding plans. We'll have to compromise.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1086371831665646432004-06-04T12:52:00.000-05:002004-06-04T12:59:08.183-05:00My old man and I hit the free lunch buffet at Flashdancers today. There's nothing like a hot buffet and hot chicks. They have the best jalepeno poppers. But, I'm such a spaz sometimes; I spilled a whole plate of ziti on my shirt while getting my second lapdance. Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1085602711978686152004-05-26T15:10:00.000-05:002004-05-26T15:18:31.976-05:00My grandmother recently moved out of her house and gave me all sorts of crap she didn't want anymore. I got a megaphone, old fashioned computer machine, old photos of strange dead relatives and best of all a box of wigs. Since I'm bald, and I don't remember hair, the wigs have brought excitement into my life. I like to wear different wigs each day now. Yesterday I wore a black curly wig to Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1085513376570130242004-05-25T14:16:00.000-05:002004-05-25T14:29:36.570-05:00I still can't believe it, but I met David Lee Roth last night at the Harlem Boy's Circus! He was buying this superhot lady a soft pretzel at the snack booth. I had to tell him just how fucking awesome he is and that he would have made a much cooler Qui-Gon Jinn in the Star Wars prequels. I asked him if he wanted to go do bong hits after the circus, but he said he couldn't because he had an Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1084976761273827192004-05-19T09:18:00.000-05:002004-05-19T09:31:10.780-05:00This week some friends and I decided to visit the Middle Village Renaissance Fair in upstate New York. It took us forever to drive up there, but once we arrived we donned our homemade West coast Avengers costumes and explored the fairgrounds pretending we were stuck in a cross-time adventure. Some of the medieval nerds recognized our obscure superhero costumes and played along, even offering toRadtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1084219570055454822004-05-10T14:41:00.000-05:002004-05-10T15:06:10.056-05:00This past weekend some friends and I took a trip to Sagamore Hill, the home of Theodore Roosevelt. The sprawling lawn needed to be cut and it gave the place a haunted look. While wandering the grounds we came across the Roosevelt Family Pet Cemetary. Few people realize that Ted R. had an iguana named Lasiter Scalesbaugh II, a pair of Austrian War Hounds that he called The Fang Brothers and a Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1083260177565572882004-04-29T12:36:00.000-05:002004-04-29T12:39:23.653-05:00I love to air guitar. It's the coolest of the air instruments. When I hear a cool riff I just want to air guitar it up! My friend Mike likes to air bass, but it's not as cool. But air bass is better than air drums, people who air drum look like idiots. I sometimes air keyboard when I hear a good Genesis song and I once air saxaphoned to the sax solo in you Belong to the City by Glenn Fry.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1083094031725137402004-04-27T14:27:00.000-05:002004-04-27T14:36:59.403-05:00I ran into this guy I went to grade school with today at the White Castle. Merril and I used to be in the same cub scouts troupe. He didn't recognize me at first, he said with a chuckle, because I lost all my hair. So, I then asked him if he remembered the time the cub scouts busted him and Louis DeRiso playing "Pinch Peenies" behind the compost pile. He got all embarrassed and walked away Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1082475417184672622004-04-20T08:36:00.000-05:002004-04-20T10:40:12.700-05:00Today is 4/20.
AAARRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
I spilt bongwater on my pants during breakfast.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1082475208414677662004-04-19T10:33:00.000-05:002004-04-20T10:36:47.543-05:00Every Moonday night is Vampire Night at my favorite bar, The Rodeo Clown. The Rodeo Clown is a honkytonk country bar, but on Vampire Night, two worlds collide in a miasma of bollo ties and fake fangs. Once a week I get to hang tough in my black cowboy hat with the large pewter skull on the band. I wear black leather trousers, I have spurs on my combat boots and I wear a black velvet cape. Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1081882386772648402004-04-13T13:53:00.000-05:002004-04-13T13:55:57.246-05:00I just found out that the retarded cart guy from my childhood local supermarket has passed away. Mikey was the cart guy at the store for 23 years; I remember being afraid of him when I was a little kid when the store first opened. He was a fixture in the town. He always said hello to you with a toothless smile and he asked every woman that shopped in the store out on a date because to him theyRadtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1081792279393873172004-04-12T12:51:00.000-05:002004-04-12T12:54:31.826-05:00I manage a new band. They are called The Preggers. I found them at the YMCA's talent show and signed them up right away. They are four teenage girls who play their own instruments. Only one of them is actually pregnant; the others stuff pillows under their shirts. I just spend my girlfriend's tax return on some studio time to record their debut CD, Blood of the Month. This shit is going to Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1081283309837323612004-04-06T15:28:00.000-05:002004-04-06T15:32:18.373-05:00Fuck you, Bingo Dust! Man, I can't stand that guy; always hanging out in the cul-de-sac eating his sandwiches and talking his bullshit. When it comes to being a dick, he does all the fucking! Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1080835698533643492004-04-01T22:45:00.000-05:002004-04-06T09:41:44.983-05:00Today was April Fool's Day. I had a friend of mine call my mother and tell her he was from the NYPD. He told her that I was one of five people slain in a gangland shootout at the notorious gay bar, Fluffanutter's, last night. I was allegedly a Button Man for New York's Gay Mob and that my death was a good thing for the city. I was known in crime circles as "the Mink Santa" because of my Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1080594979041302822004-03-29T16:16:00.000-05:002004-03-29T16:18:54.340-05:00I love pretzel rods. I like to nibble the salt off first, like I'm eating corn on the cob. Then when I have a saltless, damp rod I like to munch the whole thing down as fast as I can. I've been doing this at work for the past half hour. I've eaten ten rods and my boss just asked me to go home for the day. Later, suckers!
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1080431251028346032004-03-27T18:47:00.000-05:002004-03-27T18:50:03.950-05:00I've been in the hospital for the past few days. I had just got back from my trip to Vegas and while I was on an escalator at the airport, somebody lost grip of their luggage and it fell on top of me, causing me to tumble down the escalator. At the base of the escalator the flab on my arm got caught in the groove at the bottom of the escalator where your mom always told you to jump over as a Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1079470941654098922004-03-16T16:02:00.000-05:002004-03-16T16:04:44.110-05:00I leave for Las Vegas tomorrow morning. I've never been there before. I'm going to Vegas for a Dungeons and Dragons convention. I hope they don't give me a hard time at the airport. I'll be dressed as my 10th level Paladin, Duke Gloryaxe.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1079312545056755212004-03-14T20:02:00.000-05:002004-03-14T20:04:45.686-05:00I have this huge boil-like zit thing that has been festering on my inner thigh all week. It hurt and throbbed as it grew more powerful and gross. It was uncomfortable to walk as it rubbed against my boxerbriefs. I was forced to walk like a crippled cowboy all week. The growth hadn't grown a head yet, so it was virtually unpopable. This morning I took a thumbtack and heated it over a lighter Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1078778087326731212004-03-08T15:34:00.000-05:002004-03-27T18:51:34.513-05:00My friend has this strange power to get dogs all riled up. She walks past a dog, gushes some cutesy talk and the doggies start wiggling. She grabs them and mushes them up and squeels and the dogs go apeshit. She was trying to prove this to me the other night as we walked down the street. Dog after dog she worked her magic on. Then we came upon this bulldog. She went over to him and and he Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1078073833361504592004-02-29T11:57:00.000-05:002004-02-29T11:59:18.890-05:00This weekend was the debut of my new puppetshow, The Butter Eruption. The show was part of Neighborhood Day at our local Synagogue and the basement of the place was packed with kids. The Butter Eruption consisted of me crouched down behind a box and I would hold up fistfulls of butterpats, you know the ones wrapped in gold foil that you get at a diner to butter your rolls with. The butter Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1077743576420271332004-02-25T16:12:00.000-05:002004-02-25T16:14:58.733-05:00I was on a game show this past weekend. Prize Attack! is a game show that runs on Bronx public access. Two contestants go head to head asking each other questions (you come up with your own questions). The first contestant to answer five questions correctly moves to the bonus round. During the bonus round you are supposed to punch four different targets. Each target is made of a different Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1077225305213321762004-02-19T16:15:00.000-05:002004-02-19T16:17:01.513-05:00I went to the International Toy Fair this week. I got to see all sorts of wierd-ass shit. There is a new line of action figures coming out this year based on the 80's B-movies of the Barbarian Brothers. There was a guy who was selling toy robots made of soap called Sudsbots. This year's new trend in toys are quirky dolls for girls, my two favorites being the Fashion Orcs line of collectable Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1076779746677386282004-02-14T12:29:00.000-05:002004-02-14T12:34:39.483-05:00Rats are a fact of life. They are so gross; just fucking and eating in thier own filth behind your walls. When you do see them, it's only because they want you to see them. They want to remind you how fucking nasty they are and they'll fuck with you by just being a rat. I stepped on a rat the other night. Walking home, I stepped on a crumbled up piece of newspaper that was this rat's hideoutRadtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1076445021431330652004-02-10T15:30:00.000-05:002004-02-10T15:32:08.420-05:00My friend Jed was recently interviewed for a PBS documentary about New York musicians. I told him what I would say if I was interviewed:
"Music is like a bunch of America, but as sound" or
"Who ever first sang in New York made a million bucks" or
"If emotions could sing, they would never sing about New York" or
"When I think of how guitars sound in New York I think it must be time to go".
Jed Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1076198933131579142004-02-07T19:08:00.000-05:002004-02-07T19:10:37.530-05:00I went to a party last night. I knew I was only going to know a handful of people there, so to endear myself to the guests, I brought enough balloons to make balloon animals for everybody. I'm not sure if the guests were all that impressed with their stupid Prada cologne and their fancy hats and tight shirts. So I didn't feel so bad when I was out of breath and dizzy from blowing up so many Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1075758399027551552004-02-02T16:46:00.000-05:002004-02-02T16:48:17.996-05:00I had been lazy about getting a new shower curtain, so I've been using an old bed sheet instead. It was a stupid move, the sheet never really dries that well and now it smells all musty and gross.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1075652937983474972004-02-01T11:28:00.000-05:002004-02-01T11:30:35.780-05:00I went to a cousin's sweet16 party this weekend. They hired a guy to "run" the party. He was a thirty year old with tight pants and a microphone. He would yell and clap and call my elderly aunts "Party People". He was paid to flirt with the sixteen year old partygoers and he even got a free meal out of it. That's a great job; I wish I looked better in tight pants.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1075486014423940302004-01-30T13:06:00.000-05:002004-01-30T13:08:31.640-05:00Each morning my girlfriend welcomes the day by opening the blinds in our living room. After she lets the sunshine in, she then goes through her morning routine of showering and getting herself all dolled up for work at Plastique, the adult toy shop she owns with her sisters. This morning while she was in the shower, the phone started ringing. I was screening the call when I heard my Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1075238382472033362004-01-27T16:19:00.000-05:002004-01-27T16:22:05.873-05:00Last night at play rehearsal I split my pants while practicing one of my dance numbers. It made a loud ripping noise when they split and everybody stopped their routine. The costume designer was really annoyed because it took her forever to find those pants in the first place. I guess it's tough to find sequenced short-shorts in a size 42.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1074807776336842782004-01-22T16:42:00.000-05:002004-01-22T16:45:42.436-05:00When I lived in Truckload, Nebraska my friends Hardy, Duff and I owned a paintball target range. It used to be the old Strike Three batting range which we bought from old man Harper for a little over a grand. We left up all the nets and cages and shit and the gimmick was that you paid us 10 bucks and you stood in the batting cages and got to shoot live targets and wierd stuff like meat hung Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1074710090252574762004-01-21T13:34:00.000-05:002004-01-21T13:36:17.216-05:00I bite my nails. Not just the nails, but the skin around the nail. I actually prefer the skin to the nail pieces. I feel like that serpent who eats his tail. I bit my nail/skin so deeply today that I started to bleed. I didn't realize i was bleeding until I got blood all over my shirt. I looked at my finger and it was covered with dry blood. I'm a gross, creepy, serpent of a guy.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1074286804024678402004-01-16T16:00:00.000-05:002004-01-16T16:01:26.513-05:00I have this really cool Spider-Man costume that I got a few Halloweens ago. I wore it to my Judo class last night because my Judogi was dirty and needed to be washed. Sensei Ironhawk didn't appreciate it and as punishment made me square up against Judith, the pre-teen Sankyu, who beat my ass infront of everybody. Senei Ironhawk was hopping-mad when I said to Judith after my asswhipping, "Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1074190922699152542004-01-15T13:22:00.000-05:002004-01-15T13:23:23.780-05:00It's very very cold today. Everything is icy. While walking to the subway this morning, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I was carrying a bundle of clothes I was going to take to the Salvation Army and everything fell into a snowbank and got all filthy. Some kids laughed at me; I was embarrassed, so I scooped up the clothes and shoved them back into the bag I was carrying them in. When Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1074123995284447302004-01-14T18:46:00.000-05:002004-01-14T18:47:55.466-05:00I almost bought a crossbow today. Instead, I bought an extra sandwich at lunch. The crossbow would have been cool. I could have shot cans in my basement or shot enemies, but I was pretty hungry today and crossbows are very expensive.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1073596784087200872004-01-08T16:19:00.000-05:002004-01-08T16:22:27.653-05:00I almost got mugged today. Sheesh, I'm still shaking. This fat guy in a big jacket and dirty pants got up in my face and was all like "Give me your money! I'w shank you, give me tha money now!" I ran awayfrom him, runing as fast as I can. I ran all the way home till I was safe as a bitch.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1073341532074825692004-01-05T17:25:00.000-05:002004-01-05T17:26:43.466-05:00I say fuck bosses. I'm tired of getting fired from places. This time I'm going into business for myself. Get ready for Speedy Chip, Brooklyn's only potato-chip delivery service! I found a freelance chippery who is going to partner with me to make four kinds of chips to sell; Salt and Vinegar, Southern Bar-B-Q, Plain Potato Chip Flavor and Chicken Corn Chowder. The deal is, you order a bag ofRadtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1072977097239657282004-01-01T12:11:00.000-05:002004-01-01T12:12:44.560-05:00I got shitcanned from my new job this holiday season. I started a good old fashioned wastepaper basket fire by smoking at my desk. They got pissed I was smoking in the office, but once the fire started they flipped the fuck out.
Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1072214561643908802003-12-23T16:20:00.000-05:002003-12-23T16:23:40.106-05:00Seasons Beatings, everyone. I'm going on vacation. Although my first choice was to spend the holidays at Space Camp, I was vetoed and now my girlfriend and I are going to Rochester for a week to visit her parents. Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1072027391676539422003-12-21T12:23:00.000-05:002003-12-21T12:25:26.686-05:00Last night I went out to dinner with my family. We went to a place called The Rose Cottage. When you walk in the front door of the place, you are hit with a blast of rose-smelling air. There's a little machine that dispenses the flavored air every time the door is opened. It's very pleasant. Soon after we got comfortable at our table, a large group of loudmouth goobahs and their dolled up wives Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1071868662326137872003-12-19T16:16:00.000-05:002003-12-19T16:18:57.873-05:00They announced the plans for the new Worlds Trade Center today. If I was boss of America, I would buld an enormous golden cannon in that spot. Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1071604156319995842003-12-16T11:55:00.000-05:002003-12-16T14:50:07.420-05:00Today is the mega screening of all three Lord of the Rings movies shown consecutively. That's over 12 hours of Middle Earth funtime. At first I wanted to be there, but after giving it some thought, I had to sit this one out. Imagine, sitting in a dark theater filled with sweaty Tolkien fans, who are eating nothing but popcorn and candy and I'm sure several hippy hobbit lovers will take off Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1071422340870453482003-12-13T11:02:00.000-05:002003-12-14T12:19:50.373-05:00In the Battle of Dangerous Plants, who would win? The Venus Flytrap or Poison Ivy? Doesn't really matter, Poison Sumak would kick all their asses. Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1070912728660036082003-12-08T14:37:00.000-05:002003-12-08T14:46:11.856-05:00It's bear hunting season in New Jersey. Jersey has been infested with bears and the mayor of New Jersey has commanded his people to kill as many bears as they can. My Uncle Glenn set a mother bear and her three cubs on fire this morning. I told him to try killing them with poison next time, so he can save the pelts for me. I want to make a bear costume for Halloween next year made from real Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1070910891275163962003-12-07T14:06:00.000-05:002003-12-08T14:31:14.310-05:00I went to a Christmas party this weekend. Everybody was excited about the grab bag. I contributed my favorite Slayer album, Reign in Blood, to the gift exchange. When it was my turn to pull out a gift, I went for the biggest, heaviest gift in there. I pulled out two Duraflame logs. Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1070461476324111272003-12-03T09:18:00.000-05:002003-12-03T09:31:22.140-05:00When I get on the subway each morning, I usually get a seat. Sitting across from me today was a businesslady drinking her coffee and reading The New York Times. Before the train arrived at the next stop, she purposely dribbled a splash of hot coffee onto the seat next to her. Quickly, the train packed to uncomfortableness but nobody would sit in the wet coffee seat. The businesslady had plenty ofRadtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1070381132825112412003-12-02T10:48:00.000-05:002003-12-02T11:06:10.560-05:00I had taken my favorite boots to the cobbler last week to be re-soled. On my way to work this morning I planned on picking them up. I wore my flip flops instead of sneakers so when I got my boots I could just put my flip flops in my satchel and they wouldn't be a drag to lug around. Too bad the shoemaker is closed on Tuesdays. Now I'm at work in my suit, argile socks and flip flops. Even Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1070289821834709732003-12-01T09:24:00.000-05:002003-12-01T09:44:18.030-05:00I bought a shitload of Christmas lights yesterday. Across the front of my apartment, I wrote out in lights, "CHRISTMAS RULEZ". It was so awesome. When it got dark, and my landlord saw what I did, he knocked on my door and asked me to take it all down. He pointed out that I spelled "CHRISTMAS" wrong...I spelled it "CHRISMAS". Big deal!?! But my spelling mistake wasn't why he wanted me to Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1069775227978784232003-11-25T10:37:00.000-05:002003-11-25T10:49:13.610-05:00If there ever was a superstar that I would want to hang out with, it would have to be David Lee Roth. He'd pick me up in his monstertruck and we'd drive down to the beach. There, we'd meet hot twins who will want to surf and make out with us. At night we would smoke his primo Calie bud and rock out. Oh yeah...the whole time we'd be wearing assless pants.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1069451919588115332003-11-21T16:50:00.000-05:002003-11-21T16:59:05.890-05:00Today I saw a midget. He climbed out of a television box. I think he was homeless. Being a midget homeless guy has it's advantages. You can live in smaller boxes so there's more variety to choose from. Normalsized homeless guys usually can just use refridgerator boxes. Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1069340970530887222003-11-20T09:54:00.000-05:002003-11-20T10:09:56.250-05:00I bought the Lost in Translation soundtrack the other day. I found the bonus track this morning...it's Bill Murray's kareoke song from the movie (More Than This, I think originally from Roxy Music). I think Bill Murray is my favorite actor of all time. Here are some of his best quotes off the top of my head:
"That's the facts, Jack!" - Stripes
"It's in the hole." - Caddyshack
"Never tell me Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1069194594988637532003-11-18T17:27:00.000-05:002003-11-18T17:30:18.780-05:00It's my turn to cook dinner tonight. We're in for a treat, I'm making my special peanutbuter and jelly sandwiches. What makes them special? Instead of using normal bread, I use hot dog rolls! Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1069103400301374132003-11-17T16:03:00.000-05:002003-11-17T16:12:33.950-05:00Happy Life Day!
Today is the 25th Anniversary of the first and only airing of the Star Wars Holiday Special. Star Wars nerds know the historic significance of the Holiday Special, for this was the first appearance of the mighty Boba Fett; about a year before Episode Five hit the screens in 1980. It featured Chewbacca's family and their preparations for some Wookiee bullshit called Life Day whereRadtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1069098974149997442003-11-16T14:30:00.000-05:002003-11-17T16:03:22.936-05:00A friend of mine has this book that tells the measurements of celebrity penises. Roger Moore, River Pheonix, Danny Cooksey, Don Knotts, Stephen King, Mick Mars, Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini, Hugo Weaving and Kirk Cameron all have smaller dicks than me. Frank Oz, Dean Stockwell, Ewan McGregor, Harry Hamlin, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Howie Long, Lord Alfred Hayes and RuPaul all have bigger cocks than Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1068840028261061972003-11-14T14:59:00.000-05:002003-11-14T15:12:35.936-05:00i'm drunk at work again. This job is the fucking best. I think I'm going to go get a massage now from the Yummy Tokyo Feel Good Parlor up the block.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-106856796269402562003-11-11T09:16:00.000-05:002003-11-11T11:27:06.766-05:00Last night I went to a double feature, American Splendor/Revenge of the Nerds hosted by Harry Knowles from Aint it Cool News. Actors from both movies showed up and it was great to see both of these movies again. Only problem was that in the theater next to ours they were showing an All the Right Moves/Any Given Sunday double feature, and during their intermission, all the jocks came storming Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1068225976280011932003-11-07T12:07:00.000-05:002003-11-07T12:29:57.313-05:00Tonight, I'm going to go see the movie Elf. IT stars Will Farrell and is directed by John Faveraeu. From what I hear it's the story of a Wood Elf named Quel'Thal'tinerus who ventures from the Mosswoods to the city of Hammerdale. There he befriends a halfling thief, Socket, who accompanies Quel'Thal'tinerus on his journey. Together, the two friends set out for the adventure of their lives! They Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1068148027498296082003-11-06T14:44:00.000-05:002003-11-06T14:47:05.440-05:00Sometimes I really wish superheroes were real. Especially Moon Knight.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1067956378754899402003-11-04T09:17:00.000-05:002003-11-04T09:32:57.143-05:00Last night I watched part of that new reality show Average Joe. The twist with this one is that the hot girl has to choose from 20 nerdass dorks. She was tricked into thinking she was going to get a fleet of bohunks to choose from; you had to see her, she was all squirming and cooing thinking of all the studly horsecock she was going to mount. Suddenly, her lusty dreams were shattered when allRadtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1067879739920675192003-11-03T12:09:00.000-05:002003-11-03T12:15:38.593-05:00We bought a couch this weekend. We drove out to Strong Island to buy it at one of the warehouse outlet centers they have out there. We bought it from Seth's Kustom Kouch Kingdom and although we paid a lot of money for it, it will be like no other couch you've ever seen. It is in the shape of a Chinese dragon. On the left armrest is the head and you can open it's mouth up to store your TV Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1067609772104665712003-10-31T09:12:00.000-05:002003-10-31T09:16:11.173-05:00Today is Halloween. I used to love this holiday. I stole about 50 bucks worth of office supplies from my new job over the past week and that's what I plan on giving to the trickortreaters in Brooklyn tonight. I hope they find the post-its, staple removers and dry-erase markers fun and safe. It's better than what my mom used to give out....five pennies wrapped in cellophane. What kind of Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1067304443207531752003-10-27T20:27:00.000-05:002003-10-27T20:30:22.050-05:00My cat likes to hangout in the bathroom when either my girlfriend or I are taking a poop. She sits on the counter and stares at you while you're doing your business. I thought letting her sniff the used toilet paper would make her want to leave, but she didn't seemed to mind. So now I think it's only fair that I get on my hands and knees and watch her while she shits. She doesn't like that Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1067205334863713942003-10-26T16:55:00.000-05:002003-10-26T16:55:34.693-05:00My girlfriend and I went to a Holloween thingee at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens today. It was mostly families and their little ones dressed up for the holiday. The costumes I saw today were:
Lots of Hulks
Lots of Spider-Men
One toddler was dressed as a pregnant woman
A few Cats in Hats
One little black kid dressed as Christ
A centaur
Several Dorothies
ARadtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1066855366377615102003-10-22T15:39:00.000-05:002003-10-22T15:43:41.646-05:00I started a new job on Tuesday. I sell inflatable floats to parades and fairs. This year's big seller is a pink hippo dressed as a ninja (don't ask, the floats are made in Japan). They have some adult themed ones too; like a naked black lady and a cock. I would like to go to those parades. Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1066651577690894572003-10-20T07:06:00.000-05:002003-10-20T07:06:17.793-05:00Fuck you. Don't read this shit.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1066583927755084512003-10-19T12:18:00.000-05:002003-11-25T10:51:00.763-05:00We have to go to a wedding today. A wedding on a Sunday night. What were these people thinking??? I'm not happy about going...we're missing Alias! It's for a family friend that I am not close to or will probably not see again until my wedding (which she better fucking come to because I expect my gift reciprocation, you know?).Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1066517198311688122003-10-18T17:46:00.000-05:002003-10-18T17:54:45.913-05:00My girlfreind and I went to Flushing, Queens today. We met up with two of my oldest friends, Jimmy and Felix Fan, and ate dim sum. After the meal we went and bought Chinese groceries. I bought some very expensive beef jerky and gummy apple candy.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1066518709895111382003-09-26T18:11:00.000-05:002003-10-18T18:18:04.003-05:00I went to the Museum of Natural History today. A fat kid climbed behind the ropes that corralled the Triceratops skeleton and tried pulling out the left shankbone. A guard saw this and shot the kid with a taser gun. It's pretty funny to see a fat kid get tasered. I think he peed himself. I don't know if the fat kid's mom was more angry at him or the security guard.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1066520673917781792003-09-18T20:57:00.000-05:002003-10-18T19:10:57.480-05:00It was my birthday today. I got the Led Zepplin DVD that I wanted from my girlfriend. The best part of the DVD is when Robert Plant screams "My name is Stryder" at the end of one of their Lord of the Rings themed songs. I didn't get laid; my girlfriend is on the rag.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1066519971149565422003-08-10T17:01:00.000-05:002003-10-18T18:32:50.960-05:00There was a street fair in Brooklyn today. I ran into Barry and his roomate Klaus while my girlfriend was buying a sombrero for her sister for her birthday. Barry was quick to tell me that Klaus had a threesome last night with two women from his AA group. Klaus is a pretty ugly dude, so I'm suprised these two women had sex with him without the aid of alcohol. Go Klaus, you ugly fuck! Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1066519260161945922003-07-07T15:20:00.000-05:002003-10-18T18:21:00.096-05:00I sold a bunch of my old shoes to the kid who lives across the street today. That kid is a fucking idiot. Most of the shoes were really old and smelly, but I don't care; I can buy a pellet gun now. Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5476367.post-1055524675483650342003-06-13T12:17:00.000-05:002003-10-18T17:54:27.320-05:00I started my blog on Friday the 13th of June.Radtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083940412293422412noreply@blogger.com